Incoming Blog Series: Fight! Fight! Fight! – Celebrity Fights We Want to See

Do you ever look at a pair of celebrities and say “boy I’d like to see those two try to kick the shit out of each other?” I do all the time, and I want to write about some theoretical fight cards separated by field. To begin, the fights will be actors v actors, rappers v rappers, and athletes v athletes. We’re talking UFC style bouts but with looser rules divisions based on my parameters — as opposed to just weight —  and no tapping out.

I’ll give you the matchups we’d like to see, my predicted outcomes and the reasoning for said predictions.

The actor card is coming right up.

 

 

 

Nick Buccola

Anyone Else Tired of the Ronda Rousey Hype? (Or at Least Skeptical of It)

Rousey’s popularity is getting old, and it reeks of unfair bias.

There’s a lot to be sick of when it comes to Ronda Rousey.

What I’m most sick of though is all this “she’s the biggest, best and most dominant athlete of all time” bullshit. Yeah she was good. REALLY good. Till someone with technical ability kicked the living shit out of her and almost made her kill herself. So where the hell are all these MJ, Lebron, Ali etc. comparisons coming from.. still?

Look, I’m not saying that women’s UFC is less valid than men’s or that any women’s sports are less valid than men’s. A lot of people bitch about the celebration of female athletes because the competition isn’t as stiff. And sure, the fire of women’s sports certainly has less fuel than that of men’s sports. More men are trying to become professional athletes, true. But that should go right out the window when it comes to true dominance, true greatness. I don’t really watch ping pong, but if I hear some motherfucker literally rips aces every time he’s serving, and no one can come close to beating him in 30-50 matches I would start watching and I would consider him as talented as any other sports superstar. If you’re the best, you’re the best. All about the meritocracy of stardom.

Here’s my problem. Serena Williams is a FAR better, more talented and more dominant female athlete than Ronda Rousey is. I’m not talking about win percentage, I’m talking about consistency. If some rookie in the NBA scored 40 points his first four games would you just burn your Jordan jersey cus there’s a new GOAT in town? Of course you wouldn’t. And if you did, you would certainly regret it when he went 0-28 the next game. AND, if the reason this kid couldn’t do a single thing on the court was because the guy defending him showed far, far greater ability, you’d buy his jersey, right? So why isn’t the whole world obsessed with Holly Holm now?

So, you know why I think Ronda gets a free pass? Why she can dominate, get lit up but still be the best athlete of all time ever? Cus she’s kinda pretty, and cus she’s white. She isn’t a bit likeable, where Holly Holm is nothing but class. How could you not love Serena Williams? Because America, I don’t think you find women’s sports quite the delightful spectacle when its stars aren’t pretty white girls you can oogle at under the guise of just appreciating talent.

So, win or lose let’s see how she handles this comeback. I bet it is with the complete lack of sportsmanship she has always demonstrated, and whether you still love her or not will depend entirely on if Amanda Nunes bashes her face so bad she walks out of the octagon ugly. The second her looks go, watch, her “fans” will too.

 

 

 

 

Nick Buccola

PS If Ronda handles this fight with a shred of grace or humility win or lose I will root for her next time she fights. If she wins, and goes on to show she really is the best in her sport and maintains any class or sportsmanship, I will become her biggest fan and write an entirely new narrative. We’ll see.

Get Rich Quick Scheme: Pick a Fight with Conor McGregor

We all want money, here’s how to make some.

By now, everyone has heard about Conor McGregor losing his shit (yet again) and throwing water bottles at Diaz and his boys for taunting him. And then getting fined $150,000 for doing so.

So here’s my suggestion. If you see a drunken (I just assume he and the rest of Ireland are pretty fucked up a majority of the time) Conor McGregor out and about, try and start a fight with him. It seems to be pretty easy based on his entire appearance and everything he’s ever done. And think about it. Yes, you will be assaulted with one of his four deadly weapons and yes, there’s a good 30-80% chance you will die right there on the spot.

But.

If you do in fact live, imagine how much money you will make. Brain damage shmain cramage. Throwing some waterbottles and not even hurting someone cost the guy 150k. You take a punch or kick to the dome as a normal human being, and you get to meet god AND wake up a multi-millionaire. You die, your family is set for life. I say roll the dice and just call the guy a pansy. That will be plenty to get that giant leprechaun fired up enough to risk his entire career, reputation and livelihood on taking you out. You’re looking at one punch and maybe a brutal rest-of-your-life speech impediment and probably 1-5 million.

Or just keep slaving away at your 9-5 till you grow to resent yourself and all your loved ones.

Your call.

 

 

 

 

 

Nick Buccola