Does ANYONE Believe Dez’ Carrot Cutting Excuse?

I sure don’t. And every single sports personality, writer, blogger etc. seems to agree that there’s no way that this story is legit.

Has any guy ever both picked up a football at any point in his life AND made soup that doesn’t come out of a can?

There is far, far too much about this that is impossible to believe.

  1. I really don’t think Dez eats carrots.
  2. I really don’t think Dez eats any vegetables.
  3. I really don’t think Dez makes any of his own food.
  4. I really don’t think that Dez’ first instinct when he comes home drenched in sweat after a professional football practice is “I should make a low-protein food from scratch that takes hours to make, it’s not like I have millions of dollars to have someone do that for me.”
  5. I really do think that Dez would lie about something like this.

But Jesus, Dez, pick a better lie. Say a dog bit you? Say you dropped a glass and cut yourself picking it up? Say you were trying to get into that one kind of plastic packaging that is basically impossible not to cut yourself on?

Him going with this excuse only makes us think “Wow, that’s what you go with? Whatever you actually did must have been next level stupid.”

At least Trevor Bauer had the stones to just be like “yeah, I’m a huge fucking boner and like drones so much I just had to try to fix one of their extremely sharp blades even though it’s the postseason.”

So c’mon, tell us what idiotic thing actually cut your finger. Scissors catch? Drunk stabbing-between-your fingers game? Just sliced it for the sweet sweet thrill?

We’re on the edge of our seats here.

 

 

 

 

Nick Buccola

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