How Does America Buy Tom Cruise as a Tough Guy for Even a Second?

I’m sure you too have been suffering from this bombardment of trailers for the new Jack Reacher movie. And Tom Cruise is (HOW? FUCKING HOW???) playing an ass kicker yet again. Yes, obviously this movie is going to define trash #ArtIsDeadAndNowWe’reButtFuckingItsCorpse, so it isn’t THAT big a deal but still it’s a pretty big deal to me. I am just baffled that he has been allowed to play a badass more than once. Are we just assuming that everyone in the Jack Reacher, Mission Impossible, and Minority Report universes are also 5’5″? “Oh, thank god, all of these bad guys are dwarves as well, prepare to get curbstomped pussies!” Check it out and if you can explain it to me I’ll send you my credit card info.

The man is LISTED at 5’7″. As we know by Eddie Lacy’s 230 listing when he’s actually pushing 3 bills, celeb/athlete dimensions are wildly exaggerated; I think I’M being generous with giving even an inch taller than him the average American female height.

I get that he’s a psychopath and could win some fights that way, why don’t they play that angle? Just don’t give him a copy of the script and let the little bastard channel Xenu and bite some ears off. That I would buy, but him throwing punches and throwing out hardo punchlines is simply preposterous.





Nick Buccola

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