Caught Cheating Series: Part 1

If these celebs got caught cheating, here’s what they would say to their cheatees:

 

1. Rob Gronkowski – “Ohhh shit we were dating?? HAHAHA no way! Oh damn so like I totally cheated on you then? Oh wow you’re probably so mad right now hahahha that’s… Wait is that a firetruck?? Um… Babe, hang on I gotta check that out we’ll talk later!”

2. Drake – ” ‘Just wait a minute ba-baaay, I ain’t been myself late-laaay, sit down we could talk abouuut it, tell ya that I’m sorry ‘bouuut it. Neva meant to hurt you girrr-erl, stop thinkin’ bout herrr-err, you been wit me from the staa-arrrrt, other girls on my mind, other girls in my bed, but you the one in my heaa-aaart…’ and I’m gonna call it ‘Baby I’m Sorry.’ Do you think it’s good enough for the album?”

3. Oprah Winfrey – “Yeah so what? What are you gonna do, leave? Ha! Please. Bitch I’ll see you in the fourth floor bedroom in ten.”

4. Kanye West – “It’s all part of the plan, Kim, IT’S ART. ART. BITCH CAN YOU SPELL?? A.R.T. God damn, you don’t understand me at all! Out with you! I have to slaughter a goat for this new song I’m working on.”

5. Kim Kardashian West – “Okay, I know you’re mad right now, but think about this” *Turns around. Points at ass*

6. Hillary Clinton – “YUP. That’s right! And he didn’t even work for me and he wasn’t even fat! Maybe YOU are the one who should ‘get tested just to be safe.’ You know what, I’m done with this conversation. Suck my dick Bill, I’ve got an election to win.

7. Donald Trump – “Cheating… cheating. You wanna talk about cheating?… You know who is really cheating? Chin-er. And ISIS. And Secretary Clinton. Chin-er, ISIS, Hillary Clinton, hmmm. You connect the dots.” *holds for applause*

8. Andrew Luck – (fighting tears) “It was DARK, I was CONFUSED, I was SCARED.. I think she put something in my drink! Please, I’m so so sorry, I’m never going out again!”

9. Madison Bumgarner – “Darlin’, hush. She had been a fine steer — real fine — for us for three long years and you know that. I wanted to give her one last treat and she enjoyed the hell out of it. Now say grace so we can eat ‘er up.”

10. Jim Harbaugh  – (In a hand written letter)
“Wife,
She was 19% more attractive than you and based on 45 minutes of conversation, has approximately a 34-45% better personality. I’ll get back to you with a more accurate figure on that when I have it. Her health records indicate strong, healthy bones and her incisors are exceptionally sharp. We marry in June. Attached are divorce papers that you must date, sign, initial and return no later than the 25th of October.
— James.
PS, I noticed the scratch on the family boat and matching scratch on the rear bumper of your car, both of which are under my name. A subpoena is in the mail.”

 

 

 

Nick Buccola

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