Dear San Diego Chargers, Stop Medium-Blue Balling Us

The Bolts color rush jerseys just remind us of what should be.

SD, your color rush jerseys are cool and all, but you know you’re not giving us what we actually want.

POWDER BLUE, PLEASE

This middle of the road bright royal blue bullshit is SUCH a handjob when you’re expecting to get laid. Put out, Chargers. Be cool. I don’t know if there’s some time you plan to fully instate the beloved baby blues, but pro tip —  it’s yesterday. What are you, cocky now that the Rams are in LA? Guess what, there are about 10 markets worth of people there so you’re not totally in the clear. At least not in the clear enough to keep this diamond burried in the rough any longer. It’s time to unsleeve this trump card. (yes, I said trump card to get more views) From San Diego itself to places like Buffalo that don’t know if your team or city actually exist — sort of like an Atlantis type situation I imagine — want the powder blue uniforms. Not just the once or twice a year that you stingily give us, ALL THE FUCKING TIME. Football isn’t a sport of moderation, there can’t be too much of a good thing in the NFL.

They’re so sexy, so fun, and SO San Diego.

You’re like a secretly hot girl from an 80’s movie who takes her glasses off, revealing said secret hotness to the world, striking up pant-tents all around campus, but then right before prom you just buy a slightly less chunky pair of glasses. And you only give us the sans-glasses smokeshow two random Wednesdays of the school year. It’s like “oh wait she was super hot but now we’re like reminded of that but she’s not actually hot now but she was for a second there but now but… but… but…”

We don’t know why you’re hiding some of the most beautiful jerseys in sports, we just know we want it to stop. All the other teams are competing, pulling out their big guns. But the best they can do is a Desert Eagle. You have a fucking satellite death ray laser beam that could make all other jerseys completely irrelevant.

Why won’t you pull the trigger?

 

San Diego, I propose a city-wide protest and I already have the slogan:

“Powder Blue Please! Stop This Tease! Powder Blue Please! Stop This Tease!”

 

 

 

 

 

 

Nick Buccola

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