Fantasy Draft: Rappers

If and when they invent fantasy sports for hip hop, here’s who to draft and their real player comparisons.

Okay let’s hit some ground rules first.

Smash hits = Touchdowns.

Quality music = Yards.

Music made = Receptions.

Great features = 2-point conversions.

Bad music = Fumbles.

So, given these parameters, here are your top 10 fantasy choices and their football equivalents if you want to win your hip hop league this season.

  1. Drake – Hits, good music, churns it out. He could be your Antonio Brown, your Julio Jones, but final answer, he’s your OBJ because cus I could see Drizzy crying if an album failed. Projected 16 a week, totally matchup proof. His team goes for two and gets it every time. Drake scores in 8’s. Rarely fumbles anymore.
  2. Kendrick Lamar – Yards, yards, yards. A little injury trouble, he doesn’t come out with music that often, but every time he does it’s gold. Plenty of hits, but that’s not his main contribution. Kendrick is like a Demarco Murray type. Expect him to score, but mainly he’s just racking up triple digit yards, 2 point conversions and 10 points a week guaranteed. Unreal ball protection. Consistency at its finest.
  3. Future – The undisputed king of megahits, the most expensive features, the man —  for a very long time. But now he’s starting to look a bit cold, even a bit old. Certainly has the smash hit and quality music potential. Once he’s back he’ll be back in a big way, but there’s a decent chance he’s nearly done, making him our Adrian Peterson.
  4. Kanye West – At one time, he’d be at the top of the list. Makes bangers, low-key high-quality music, and crushes features. Plus he’s been doing it forever. Like Larry Fitzgerald, he has you asking “when the hell is this guy gonna get old?”
  5. Nicki Minaj – Easy. Rob Gronkowski. In a different “position” than the rest of the top 10 (get it aren’t I clever? Say I’m clever right now just do it) but the undisputed queen. While female rappers might not be quite as popular as male ones, she’s worth lots of TD’s, targets/receptions, and she’s definitely who you’re going to when you’re going for two.
  6. J. ColeArian Foster. C’mon that’s a good call. “Injured” a lot (takes his time with his music) but when he’s in-on the booth-field, he can be comfortably the best in the game. Plus, I have always thought they look a bit alike.
  7. Big Sean – Hasn’t been HUGE in about a season, but you still know he’s a star, capable of leading the genre in hits when he wants to and while he takes breaks, he doesn’t really make bad music. Therefore, I’m gonna give B.I.G. Le’Veon Bell.
  8. Young Thug – Unpredictable, boom-or-bust, scores a lot. Has had huge years and huge games, but experiences ups and downs. Certainly a bit of a problem with ball security. If Thugger were in the NFL, he’d be Devonta Freeman.
  9. Fetty Wap – Todd Gurley. Blew your fucking mind originally, now questions are being asked.
  10. Desiigner – Newcomer off to a hot start. Big expectations that he’s reaching so far, we’ll see if it continues to pay off, Cotton. Ezekiel Elliot.

 

Okay, this was actually really fun. I know I know, the comparisons aren’t perfect and the rankings are probably off as well. But if you guys like this, I’d definitely be up for a round two, even turning this into a series. Maybe a 10-20 ranking, maybe different fantasy sports comparisons, different parameters/organization, who knows? I sure liked making this, I hope you like reading it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Nick Buccola

2 thoughts on “Fantasy Draft: Rappers”

    1. Thank you very much, I’m glad you like it!

      Yes, however, I’m going for a VERY specific style for now so if I reject something I receive, it’s not that it was bad, it’s just that it’s not what I’m looking for at the moment. It could be good and something I would use in the future and still get rejected. That said, if you have an idea, send it to 2BitCritic@gmail.com (along with any blogs/existing content for which you’re responsible)

      Like

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