The One Guy from Each Remaining Team You Don’t Want to See Win the World Series

The “c’mon, not him!” guys that could still win it all.

6. Andrew Miller – Of all the Indians players, he seems to be the biggest douche. Not the  biggest size-wise, although he may be, I mean the douchiest douche. Seems like a tool, played for the Yanks. That’s plenty for me to dislike the guy.

5. Buster Posey – Okay, obviously I want him to win, but I get why others wouldn’t. He’s spoiled. The hardest parts of his career have been waiting a year for a World Series. He feels like a seasoned vet because he’s got so much hardware. He’s only been playing since 2010 and he has three rings. I could see why one wouldn’t want to see him get a fourth just yet.

4. Javier Baez – I thought the Cubs were a team of nice guys. Then I watched Javier Baez. He treats every ball he makes contact with like a no doubt bomb. Drops his head, starts slowly jogging and gives us that same cocky fucking face he always seems to have, even when he’s between plays or screwing them up. He (along with that one baby mama beater) just stand out as obvious assholes with how humble and classy the rest of the squad seems to be. And besides, what’s with that stupid ass helmet? What are you, afraid of taking a 95 MPH baseball to the face? Pussy.

3. Jose Bautista – Does anyone like Jose Bautista anymore? He’s the only guy I can imagine  ruining one of the sweetest bat flips of the decade with just an awful personality (and sharpie beard). Also, why don’t we talk about him stealing known sav Joey Votto’s nickname? He was the original Joey Bats. I don’t think I’m alone in cringing at the idea of this guy celebrating a WS win.

2. Yasiel Puig – Maybe the worst human being to ever play baseball? I could go on and on about what a truly awful human being the 25-year-old (actually probably about to turn 30, but I guess we’ll never know for sure) is, but instead think about it this way. What do teams do when they win the World Series? They drink champagne. Which contains alcohol. And what does Yasiel Puig do with alcohol in his system? He drives. That endangers lives — albethey LA lives which are worth approximately .46 of others’ lives — lives nonetheless. Please, for the safety of our families, root along with me for Puig to lose.

1. Bryce “The Mormon Meany” Harper – Again, huge asshole. But more importantly he has too much time left. When his Nats contract runs out and he whores himself out for whoever (presumably the Yankees) offers him $500,000,000 he can win one then. He’s not a gracious winner and we all know he’ll probably ungraciously win some time, just please not now.

 

 

 

 

 

Nick Buccola

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