The 5 Weakest Handshakes
5. Terry Collins – Just a bit too long in the tooth, and those puppydog eyes. No shot he’s firing off firm ones, at least not anymore.
4. Rick Renteria – The very existence of this photo puts him in the ranks of the MLB’s weakest shakers.
3. Craig Counsell – Managing the Brewers, the ridiculous batting stance when he played, the overall scrawny looks. It all just reeks of fish. Dead fish, that is.
2. Don Mattingly – Not only did he somehow avoid making waves in the playoff with such a talented team in the Dodgers, but he just looks like he’s always about to cry. Don Mattingly is the “wah wah wah…” wet blanket of coaching in the MLB.
1. Terry Francona – C’mon Terry, managers don’t wear glasses. He kinda strikes me as a dweeb. You need intimidation for strong shakes, and Terry Francona couldn’t intimidate a kitten.
The 5 Strongest Handshakes
5. John Farrell – That death stare translates directly to death shakes.
4. Mike Matheny – All around sav. He’s just got the look of a strong shaker. Solid lettuce peaking out the back of his cap, manages a historic team. Half the time I see the Cards dugout I just assume he’s a bomb-dropping pinch hitter I don’t recognize. Matheny shakes hard, no doubt about it.
3. Joe Maddon – Ballsy as hell with his in-game decisions, salty savage beard, the utmost confidence. Guy’s a winner. If you think someone who murders black wayfarers the way Maddon does doesn’t do the same to opposing managers hands you belong in an asylum.
2. Joe Girardi – Through and through hardo. I bet he runs wind sprints before games just to get it out so he can sit still for 9 innings. He doesn’t have time for real haircuts so he just says “get it all off so I don’t have to come back for a while, I have pushups to do.”
1. John Gibbons – Gibbons’ shakes aren’t just firm, they’re angry. They’re mean. He wants to break your hand, and does without even trying that hard. If handshakes could talk they would say “How ya doin, let’s start this game.” If John Gibbons’ handshakes could talk they would ask “You wanna fuckin’ go?”