Conspiracy Theory: The Can You Hear Me Now Guy Is a Dangerous Psychopath

You know that Verizon Sprint guy who used to ask “Can you hear me now?” in those commercials?

Now that he’s back in our lives I’m starting to notice a crazy look in his eyes. Maybe it’s the glasses or the hair or the leather jackets, I don’t know. But SOMETHING tells me this guy is a sick, sick man. Jared-esque. Jared of Subway and child-diddling fame, that is. He creeps me out every time he pops up on screen to shit talk Verizon. I’d just like to make the call now, October 7th, 2016 AD, that Paul Marcarelli (his actual name, not that anyone cares) will come up on your news feed for doing something really, really fucked up. I know I’m getting ballsy here but I’m gonna say it’ll involve kids and one other odd element. Maybe he diddles in a clown costume, maybe he paints his diddle-ees. Maybe something that weird,  or maybe he’ll just beat up a hooker like celebs did in the good old days. Either way, keep your eyes out for this sick fuck to act on his disgusting urges in the relatively near future.


Did I just call him a celebrity? Yikes, maybe I’m the insane one.




Nick Buccola



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